Leon Plays RE4
by Lavendara
Summary: My idea of what would happen if Leon Kennedy every played Resident Evil 4.


Leon Plays RE4

Having a week's vacation from work, Leon decided to stock up on some video games. Until now, he'd avoided any of the Resident Evil titles. Once you live through something like that you tend to not want to revisit any of it. However, there was a sale on Resident Evil 4 and since he had a Wii at home he decided maybe it wouldn't be so bad to try it out.

At home, he hooked up the Wii, inserted the game, and got comfortable on the sofa. Claire came in from the other room to watch and sat next to him. The opening background had started, and since they knew all the facts already they began making fun of the Leon voice-over. "Apparently I'm a good storyteller," Leon commented.

"Don't worry," Claire said. "They tend to exaggerate some things in games."

Leon gave her a small smirk. The voice-over explained that just before Leon was to take over watching and protecting the President's family, the first daughter was kidnapped. "You see?" He said smugly. "If someone before me hadn't screwed up, no one would have had to go through any of this."

Claire, remembering that Leon was also late to the Raccoon City event, decided to take him down a notch, "Must be difficult for you, always taking too long."

"You know, I'd have a comeback, but the REAL game is starting." Game-Leon got a call from his Support reminding him that this was the President's daughter and to behave himself. "Support? Right. More like babysitter. Did she HAVE to make that comment?" Claire looked at him as if to say, 'Are you serious?' Leon moved about in the game and met the first local, who turned hostile. Game-Leon informed Support that he needed to "neutralize" the local and Support told him to take all the measures necessary. "No, really? I figured maybe the headshot was overkill and I should tone it down a bit." He shook his head incredulously and kept playing.

Leon got to a save point, which in this game was a typewriter. "Oh, now wouldn't THAT have been wonderful? Just hit a few keys on a keyboard and all of a sudden you can't really die."

"At least this is better than the first Resident Evil," Claire pointed out. "You had to actually find ribbons for the typewriters in that one." Leon snorted at the idea.

Game-Leon got another call from Support and was sent a 'playing manual.' "REALLY!?" Leon said in disgust. "I didn't get any 'manual.' Nothing saying that if you do this, then that will happen." Claire patted his arm sympathetically.

Clair watched as he wandered around the town fighting the 'zombies' and asked, "Is that really what it was like there?"

"Mostly," replied Leon. "Though thankfully they can't mimic smells in video games. I mean, just LOOK at the place!"

She watched him kill a few more locals, and then noticed he started having a bit too much fun from it. "Those are some very wrong shots," she commented.

"Hey, it's a game, right? Besides," he reasoned. "They're trying to kill me. Do we REALLY want them reproducing?" Claire threw her arms up in defeat.

Support once again called Game-Leon, telling him he needs to get out of the town. "I swear, why do you even need support? If you're in a town where everyone's trying to kill you, do you really need some idiot God knows how many miles away telling you that you need to leave?" Claire realized maybe watching him play was going to more difficult on her end than she initially thought.

Leon next got upset at the Indiana-Jones-like giant boulder rolling after him. "Did you see that?! And the screen stayed focused behind me the whole time! Yea, 'cause I had all the time in the world to LOOK BEHIND ME!"

Clair put her hand on his arm. "It's just a game, Leon."

"Yea, and in Degeneration they're JUST bloopers." Claire scowled as she got up and unplugged the Wii, calling him a bastard and storming off.

"Aw, great, THANKS!" Leon called after her. "Now I have to go back to that save point!"

-.-.-.-.-

A couple hours later, Claire decided to go back out and watch some more. Game-Leon was purchasing new weapons and ammo. "I have no clue where this guy keeps coming from," Leon started. "But I sure wish he was around during this mission. I don't remember some random peddler trying to sell me things. And this heal-spray they have in here? Don't you think that would have been VERY useful?"

Claire gave him a look telling him how silly he was being. "Anything else?"

"Yea," he continued, not getting the hint. "I don't remember killing someone, and them pretty much evaporating, leaving behind items. IF they had items, I had to actually search for them. Do you know how traumatizing THAT was? Look at some of these guys!" Claire rolled her eyes at him, but kept watching.

Game-Leon called Support again after nearly getting into some trouble. Support asked, "But you're okay, right?" to which Leon replied, "Nah! I'm not okay. I managed to call you through a coma! HOW DO YOU THINK I MADE THIS CALL IF I WASN'T OKAY?" Next, Support reminded him to, "Hurry and find that church" where the President's daughter was being held. Claire rubbed Leon's back in support while he shouted at the TV, "What do you THINK I've been doing, having a picnic with these people?!"

For a while, Claire watched as he had to fight his way through more and more 'zombies.' "It's amazing how boring and tedious they can make all this seem, isn't it?" She observed Leon trying out the different weapons and attacks because he, too, was getting slightly bored at it. He complained about how there were convenient journals written with important information just lying around and yelled some more at the Support person who kept telling him to hurry.

"Hey, here's that guy again! How does he keep appearing in these small areas where there are no enemies just to sell me this stuff? I never even saw him get here!" She watched him run from another huge boulder and fight some sort of monster in a lake.

"That didn't look as bad as you had said," Clair chided.

"Yea, no problem," Leon said sarcastically. "It's like Pin the Tail on the Donkey, except the donkey is pulling me at high speeds in a boat and I have throw the tail hundreds of yards before he eats me." After the fight with the lake monster, Game-Leon had collapsed and passed out. When he woke and called Support, he got chided for not having been in contact for 6 hours. "Gee, sorry about that," Leon replied to the TV. "I needed a nap."

"You know," Claire noticed. "They don't make you nearly as sarcastic in this game as you are in real life." Leon gave her a small smirk and fought through more townspeople. Eventually, he got trapped in an area with another huge monster. Claire remembered Leon telling her about this part, and said, "Okay, that IS ugly."

"Yea, but they didn't get the ugly right. I don't think they could match that, though." Finally, after many more skirmishes with the locals, Game-Leon reached where the President's daughter was being held. During the cut scene, Game-Leon says, "My name's Leon." Leon remarked, "If only I'd NEVER said that to her." Claire smiled at that. The cut scene ended, and instead of searching the room or continuing on, Game-Leon turned, pointed the gun at the head of the President's daughter and shot her. The screen fades to black with 'Mission Failed' in bright red, and Leon turned off the Wii. Claire just sat there confused, and then finally asked, "What was THAT for?"

"Oh come on," Leon answered. "I've wanted to do that for six years now!" Seeing the look Claire was giving him, he added, "Can you HONESTLY tell me that if you had a chance, even if in a video game, to shoot that Senator Ron Davis that you wouldn't do it?"

Claire sighed in defeat. "Is that the only reason you picked up that game?"

"Yea, I'm good now."

THE END


End file.
